Could a change of career plan be on the cards for Hayley?

Hayley’s such a natural with children; could a change of career plan be on the cards?

Monday evening, exhausted after a visit from a very lively two-year-old…

The dog’s stopped quaking and has finally been persuaded to venture downstairs from the safety of my duvet. The breakables have been returned to their usual positions two feet lower than the emergency safe places we hastily stashed them. All the cupboard doors have been screwed back on; the contents restored. Jesse, one determined little explorer – his unspoken motto: ‘inside every cupboard a new adventure’ – has left and peace reigns once more.

Young Boy Relaxing On Sofa At HomeHe’s adorable and we all love his visits but it’s like having a mini-whirlwind in the house. Everything not screwed down will be upended, hurled like a shot put or, in the case of the dog, chased and pelted with toys/drink beaker/biscuits. Now he’s gone home with his patient saint of a mum. But while the rest of us are lying down in darkened rooms with damp flannels on our foreheads, Hayley’s still beaming. “If only he could stay here always,” she says.

I pull the flannel more firmly over my eyes. I know I’ve done it a few times over, with four children and a stepdaughter, but it all seems so long ago. I can’t honestly imagine how anyone copes day after day with such a demanding little bundle of energy. And I’m frankly amazed at Hayley’s total character change in the presence of her little nephew.

She’s not best known for her patience and calm. The house frequently trembles with her meltdowns and outbursts. I have come to know that having a hearing loss is frustrating and tiring, a constant battle struggling to catch everything and not miss out, so I try to make allowances, though there are limits. And recently hormones have come into play, unleashing even more scathing fury and spectacular intolerance upon the rest of us. But something about Hayley comes alive when small children are around. It totally transforms her into a mature, patient, responsible little adult. And I won’t pretend I don’t like it!

Hayley has always got on with children younger than her, seems in her element with them. In the last two years she’s done lots of babysitting, worked on a job scheme at a local nursery and did her work experience at another nursery, both of which she loved and got great reports. Maybe it’s easier getting round the deafness issues – small children have a far less sophisticated grip on language than Hayley’s own peers. Their needs are simpler and they won’t object or get impatient if Hayley hasn’t heard and asks them to repeat themselves.

Jesse’s latest visit demonstrated Hayley’s childcare skills again. And he loved her – a great playmate, good for cuddles and endless repetitions of his favourite chase-me-up-the-stairs game or peek-a-boo behind the curtains.

Although Hayley has long wanted a catering career, I can see childcare vying to become an option. The rewards are very instant – that irresistible giggling, little arms outstretched for a pick-up – and all without the pressures of trying to communicate in a peer or adult environment. I can totally see the attraction.

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Cleaning hearing aids

Tiger Mother wonders why fiercely independent moderately deaf 14-year-old Hayley cleans her own hearing aids so reluctantly.

Hayley and I have just had an argument about her hearing aids – trying to establish whether she’s cleaned them or, as I suspect, not. A year ago it occurred to me it was time she took responsibility for them. After all, she’s 14 – she should know how to look after them.

She’s fiercely independent, has long fought to do things herself. She irons her clothes, cooks three course meals to competition standards, manages train journeys alone – why would I still clean her hearing aids?

She grudgingly agreed, but has proved sloppy at doing it daily, as recommended.

“It’s like cleaning your teeth,” I tell her regularly. “Make it part of your daily routine. And no, I’m not suggesting you use toothpaste on them!”

I don’t understand why she won’t take them more seriously. They’re a lifeline for her – at least her right one is, she had a mild loss in her left ear and feels that one has only borderline benefit, so she leaves it out sometimes.

One day she’ll have to do it herself. Why not start now?

It’s like most things with teenagers, if it suits them they’ll do it (“Mum I’m not a kid!”), otherwise they’re happy for you to do it (“You’re the mum, you should do that for your kid!”).

Hormones being what they are at her age, raging and ricocheting around the house, we row about everything from getting up for school to how often is acceptable to borrow my mascara ( taking it away with her on a Guides holiday without asking is at the unacceptable end).,

So it’s one more thing to erm, discuss, loudly and with feeling. I try to gently remind her about cleaning them, which can result in either a disinterested tut and rolling of the eyes, or a full scale, bellowing tantrum complete with stamping off and door slamming finale.

It did result in a run in with her Teacher of the Deaf (ToD). I received a report stating that Hayley’s aids had wax in the tubes and that Hayley said she hadn’t worn her left aid since we’d last visited the audiologist (two months earlier), because it wasn’t working properly.

The ToD stressed the importance of daily cleaning, recommending that “a named member of staff liaise with Hayley about the cleanliness of her ear moulds and monitor the usage of her left hearing aid”.

The conclusion drawn was that Hayley hadn’t worn the aid for two months because it wasn’t working, as she hadn’t cleaned it. But neither of these things were true!

At the audiology appointment, Hayley mentioned it wasn’t working properly so the audiologist re-tubed it and tested it. Hayley still wasn’t happy and the audiologist suggested it was Hayley’s ear or perception that’d changed.

Hayley continued wearing it until week before the ToD visit. Yes the aids were waxy, but Hayley always has wax build-up in her ears; you could put the aids in clean and they’d instantly come out waxy.

“It made me seem like an unfit mother who needed checking up on”

So now it’s on some official file that Hayley didn’t wear her aid for two months because we hadn’t bothered to clean it.  It made me seem like an unfit mother who needed checking up on. In fact I’m doing all I can for her – it’s usually me chasing everyone else to meet her needs!

Why didn’t they ask me? I could’ve explained things more accurately than a 14-year-old with ASD, little grip on timescale, a poor memory and not the best communication skills.

Anyway, I know the ToD was only doing her job and it’s probably done us a favour – Hayley was embarrassed into cleaning them more often, hopefully cutting down our rowing time!