The balance between school work and activities

Hayley’s looking forward to the Christmas holidays after a demanding term in her final school year, while Tiger Mother is encouraging her to cut back on out of school activities.

Saturday morning, elbow deep in revision diaries and the family calendar

Hayley’s counting down the days until the end of term, getting more excited with every little chocolate reindeer that falls out of the windows in her advent calendar. It’s an exciting time evidently, Christmas, even for a 16-year-old – long may it last, I say.

31167_fabric_tree_advent_calendar

It’s also been quite intense at school so she’s looking forward to the holidays. The fact is it’s her final year at school – I can’t believe I’m saying it! – and the pace is hotting up. Lots of hard work is required. And earlier this month they started their mocks, which was quite a shock for her as the realisation hit how much effort is needed to succeed in next year’s GCSEs.

“Hayley’s got to knuckle down this school year”

Hayley’s got to knuckle down this school year and that means dropping – albeit very reluctantly – some of the many and varied out of school activities she usually does. There’s been a fair bit of wrangling over exactly what she can still fit in without it affecting her school work.

I’ve always encouraged her to take part in everything going – Guides, sports clubs, air cadets, work. She struggles socially due to her deafness and social communication difficulties, and having structured activities to go to has really paid off; it’s done her a power of good in terms of confidence, self-esteem and just learning about the world and how to be in it. It’s also equipped her with experience that might help her get a job in the future. But now there’s got to be a compromise between fun/experience and nose to the grindstone studying.

“Leadership experience will help her personal self-development”

She dropped Guides – easy because she was too old at 16. Ditto the local youth enterprise scheme, which gave her four hours’ paid work a week. But she is looking for a Saturday job, doing tennis every Monday and still going to air cadets twice weekly, though that’s under review. And now she’s decided to try Explorers, the follow-on from Guides and Scouts, which involves doing one night a week plus an extra evening as a young leader for Cubs. I can see the value of it though, as well as the fun. Leadership experience will help her personal self-development and possibly boost her job chances in the future.

“She’s not strong academically”

It’s just trying to decide together how far to tip the balance. She’s not strong academically, so has to try harder to get the minimum grades. But there again…

Aaargh, I don’t know!

Hopefully she’ll soon see for herself she can’t do it all and drop some activities of her own accord, it’ll be better if it happens that way. And I can always remind her about the NDCS Young Leaders courses next summer, which have an accredited leadership certificate – GCSE exams will all be over bar the shouting by then, so she’ll be able to throw herself into it to her heart’s content.

Hayley’s special bond with animals

Hayley’s been at Guides’ camp for a week, and the family dog has missed her greatly. Tiger Mother talks about Hayley’s special bond with animals, perhaps due to her deafness and communication problems.

Saturday afternoon, in the garden…

I’m standing outside the back door, trying to restore order and call the dog to heel, but I’m failing, partly due to being hysterical with laughter.

There is a canine streak flashing round the lawn, burrowing through baskets of dry washing, leaping over garden chairs, overturning flower pots and bounding up onto the trampoline. If only she had her own mobile I’m certain she’d be doing backflips and taking selfies.

Each round of the garden that the dog makes is punctuated by a spring-loaded leap up at Hayley, covering her in a slobber of doggy kisses, before galloping off for another victory lap.

dog

Up until five minutes ago, all was calm. Hayley’s been away at Guides’ camp for a week and the house has echoed with the sound of, if not silence, then low volume anyway. The telly’s been on quietly, music in the kitchen at a level where you can still hear a jet immediately overhead. And no shouting matches with her brothers.

“The dog has missed her terribly”

The dog has missed her terribly – sulked, taken up watch by the front door and refused to eat her dinners, the ultimate sign of devotion as she’s a very foodie dog.

Now Hayley is home. She calls sternly for a ‘down’ and the dog drops like a stone at her young mistress’s feet, looking up at her with love and devotion. Now that’s how it’s done.

Hayley has a way with the dog that shows the closeness between them. It’s great to see, especially when things are not going well with her at school, or when she’s fallen out with her friends. The dog is like her best mate. Sometimes she is her best mate.

Hayley loves all animals, does really well horse riding, and seems to have an affinity with every creature that she meets, even a tortoise that we adopted for a week recently.

“She really is in her element with animals”

She really is in her element with animals and I do wonder if part of the reason is down to her deafness and problems with communication. The constant struggle Hayley has trying to hear conversation, to keep up with the lightning flow of chat between her peers and others. And the difficulty she has trying to get her words out, often left behind as the conversation moves swiftly on.

All incredibly frustrating and we at home often feel the backlash, when she unleashes it on us in the safety of her own home after a long, tiring, wind-up of a day.

But with animals, we’re all in the same boat. None of us can speak their language, so we have to set up a form of communication between them and us that can work. Some of it is spoken, some is signed – as in hand cues for a dog, riding aids such as leg contact and reins contact with the mouth for a horse.

All perfectly logical, one to one, and for once on a level playing field for Hayley. No missed consonants or having to constantly say ‘pardon?’ or be told it doesn’t matter.

In seconds, Hayley’s taken her eye off the dog and been floored by a hairy heap. It’s hilarious to see so much love and devotion in action – and even occasional obedience…