Tiger Mother wonders why fiercely independent moderately deaf 14-year-old Hayley cleans her own hearing aids so reluctantly.
Hayley and I have just had an argument about her hearing aids – trying to establish whether she’s cleaned them or, as I suspect, not. A year ago it occurred to me it was time she took responsibility for them. After all, she’s 14 – she should know how to look after them.
She’s fiercely independent, has long fought to do things herself. She irons her clothes, cooks three course meals to competition standards, manages train journeys alone – why would I still clean her hearing aids?
She grudgingly agreed, but has proved sloppy at doing it daily, as recommended.
“It’s like cleaning your teeth,” I tell her regularly. “Make it part of your daily routine. And no, I’m not suggesting you use toothpaste on them!”
I don’t understand why she won’t take them more seriously. They’re a lifeline for her – at least her right one is, she had a mild loss in her left ear and feels that one has only borderline benefit, so she leaves it out sometimes.
One day she’ll have to do it herself. Why not start now?
It’s like most things with teenagers, if it suits them they’ll do it (“Mum I’m not a kid!”), otherwise they’re happy for you to do it (“You’re the mum, you should do that for your kid!”).
Hormones being what they are at her age, raging and ricocheting around the house, we row about everything from getting up for school to how often is acceptable to borrow my mascara ( taking it away with her on a Guides holiday without asking is at the unacceptable end).,
So it’s one more thing to erm, discuss, loudly and with feeling. I try to gently remind her about cleaning them, which can result in either a disinterested tut and rolling of the eyes, or a full scale, bellowing tantrum complete with stamping off and door slamming finale.
It did result in a run in with her Teacher of the Deaf (ToD). I received a report stating that Hayley’s aids had wax in the tubes and that Hayley said she hadn’t worn her left aid since we’d last visited the audiologist (two months earlier), because it wasn’t working properly.
The ToD stressed the importance of daily cleaning, recommending that “a named member of staff liaise with Hayley about the cleanliness of her ear moulds and monitor the usage of her left hearing aid”.
The conclusion drawn was that Hayley hadn’t worn the aid for two months because it wasn’t working, as she hadn’t cleaned it. But neither of these things were true!
At the audiology appointment, Hayley mentioned it wasn’t working properly so the audiologist re-tubed it and tested it. Hayley still wasn’t happy and the audiologist suggested it was Hayley’s ear or perception that’d changed.
Hayley continued wearing it until week before the ToD visit. Yes the aids were waxy, but Hayley always has wax build-up in her ears; you could put the aids in clean and they’d instantly come out waxy.
“It made me seem like an unfit mother who needed checking up on”
So now it’s on some official file that Hayley didn’t wear her aid for two months because we hadn’t bothered to clean it. It made me seem like an unfit mother who needed checking up on. In fact I’m doing all I can for her – it’s usually me chasing everyone else to meet her needs!
Why didn’t they ask me? I could’ve explained things more accurately than a 14-year-old with ASD, little grip on timescale, a poor memory and not the best communication skills.
Anyway, I know the ToD was only doing her job and it’s probably done us a favour – Hayley was embarrassed into cleaning them more often, hopefully cutting down our rowing time!